Slideshow image

There is a natural grieving process we experience with the death of a loved one or the loss of a spouse, parent, or child through divorce, mental sickness, and the like.  Sometimes, after a long period of time, we are unable to resolve that grief and feel weighed down.  But there is hope in Christ...

Although this approach is simple, we have found God supernaturally releasing grief from those hurting. Be encouraged by the testimonies following.

A Pastoral Approach to Long-Term Grief and Loss

This is an approach our missionary team in Borneo, Indonesia, uses to walk alongside people who are suffering from the loss of a loved one. It is not intended for the early stages of grief, when presence, listening, and practical support are most important.

However, when grief remains heavy and unresolved over a long period of time, we have found this approach to be helpful and healing for some.

We occasionally adapt this same framework for other forms of loss as well. For example:

  • a child whose father has changed significantly after a stroke, resulting in the loss of communication or relationship
  • the loss of a parent through divorce or separation
  • or even the loss of a deeply held dream or expectation

We acknowledge that there are many valuable and effective approaches used by others. What follows is simply the basic principles we use, which you are welcome to adapt and share as appropriate.

Early Conversation: Creating a Safe Space

We begin by allowing the person time to share their story and their loss, offering empathetic and attentive listening.

If we sense that the person is still carrying deep grief or unresolved sorrow long after the loss, and with the awareness that we ourselves may never have experienced grief of this depth or kind, we gently introduce hope from the Word of God.

Introducing Jesus as the One Who Carries Our Sorrows

More than ten years ago, Kenneth Copeland wrote an article (which I have since been unable to locate) that offered an insight we have found helpful. We explain it to the person in this way:

Scripture shows us that it can become too heavy for the human soul to carry deep grief and sorrow for an extended period of time. We then read together from Isaiah 53:4–5 (NKJV):

Surely, He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.

But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.

We explain that when Jesus died on the cross, He not only took our sins, weaknesses, and sicknesses, but verse four tells us that He also carried our griefs and sorrows.

Jesus entered fully into grief and sorrow, and Isaiah prophesies that on the cross, Jesus offered to carry our sorrow for us. When we surrender our grief to Him, we can begin to experience new life and renewed joy.

We then gently ask, “Would you like to give your sorrow to Jesus and allow Him to carry it for you?”
If the person agrees, we move to the next step.

A Prayer of Surrendering Grief

A personal reflection (background)

As a young adult, I (Kim) carried deep sorrow connected to the loss of my father, who left our family for a long period of time when I was just five years old. My inner child longed for what every child hopes to receive from their father—security, presence, and affirmation—but those needs were never met.

Jesus gently led me into a prayer where I cupped my hands in front of me and, by faith, placed into them all the expectations and rights I had lost and could never recover. It felt sacred and deeply emotional. As I surrendered those losses to Jesus, I wept.

Yet I sensed Jesus receiving them tenderly, counting my grief as precious. As I prayed, the pain, striving, and longing connected to those losses were lifted, and I experienced deep healing.

Guiding the person in prayer

We then say something like:

“I’d like you to cup your hands like this” (demonstrating).
“By faith, place into your hands the sorrow and losses you have been carrying. Jesus sees them as precious, and He will gently receive them and carry them for you.”

We then pray together. The person may repeat the words aloud or simply agree in their heart:

Dear Jesus,
I come to You with my sorrows, my losses, and my unmet expectations—
all the things that were so precious to me.

They are too heavy for me to carry alone.
I surrender my grief to You and ask You to carry it for me.

I thank You for the work of the cross.
I thank You, Jesus, that with love and compassion
You receive this offering from me.

We then pray God’s love, comfort, and healing over the person.

Addressing Real or Perceived Guilt

Some people carry guilt connected to their loss—whether real or imagined. In these moments, it is not our role to determine whether the guilt is justified or unfounded.

We gently ask if they feel any guilt related to the death or loss. We listen carefully and compassionately. If they would like to release that guilt in prayer, we guide them with words such as these:

Dear Jesus,
please forgive me for any way I feel guilty
in relation to this death or loss,
or in my relationship with this person.

I forgive myself,
and I receive Your total and complete forgiveness.

We then speak encouragement, affirm God’s grace, and continue to support the person as needed.

 

 

TESTIMONIES

  1. Young man experiences the death of both parents: A student at our Bible School was observed to always be tearful during worship. We enquired about his well-being. He shared how almost 20 years ago, when he was a young man, his father had dropped dead suddenly from a heart attack while overseas, and not too long after that, his mother passed away from cancer. Since that time, he had felt a heavy grief in his heart. Following this prayer ministry, he testified days later of feeling a new joy and freedom and was no longer tearful during worship or when fondly remembering his parents.
  2. Tragic loss of a child: A mother had lost a child in a Tribal village in Borneo (sadly, a common experience in these villages). After prayer, she testified that she felt great relief and God’s love.
  3. Loneliness after the death of his wife: An elderly man who loved God was drinking every night. He shared how he was tormented by grief and loneliness after his wife and several close family members had died. After prayer and when we revisited his village weeks later, his whole countenance had changed, and he testified he was feeling so much better and kept shaking our hands.
  4. Teenager loses the father she once knew: A teenager became withdrawn, depressed, and stopped eating after her father suffered a stroke. The father was unable to speak easily, and some aspects of his personality changed. We discussed the losses and grief of those losses from how she knew him before and led her through this prayer ministry. Praise God, several days later, the mother reported her daughter was becoming herself again.